Reflections

When a Sibling is Missing: Two Sisters Reflect

By Elizabeth Tragash
June 2002


When a child is missing the cameras zoom in upon the parents' anguished faces, the press records the fragments of their shock, bewilderment and grief. On the sidelines, we glimpse the faces of the siblings, recording their names and ages, often overlooking the enormity of their anguish.


On June 20, 2000, Patricia DeMoura's sister, Debbie (a.k.a. "Debra") Melo, disappeared without a trace along a highway in Weymouth, Massachusetts following an altercation with her husband. Patricia DeMoura lost more than a sister, she lost her best friend. One week later, on June 27, 2000, Heather Gresty's sister, Molly Bish, vanished from the shores of Comins Pond in Warren, Massachusetts, the likely victim of abduction by a predator. Heather Gresty lost more than a sister, she lost a part of her history and a piece of her self.

Two years later, these two women are still wondering what happened to their sisters. They are still struggling with intense feelings of fear and grief as each day passes without a clue, as each day a beloved sister and friend is still missing.


Life Unravels

For Patricia DeMoura, the week began with the normal routines of balancing her job as a Nurse's Aide at Morton Hospital and caring for her three children, Kailey, then five, Alex three, and Olivia, two. On Monday evening Patricia and her husband, Steve, were heading out for an early celebration of Patricia's birthday. Patricia called Debra from her cell phone to see if she and her husband, Luis, could join them. It was a spur of the moment invitation and they declined. It was a normal conversation, cut short by a poor cell phone connection; Patricia never dreamt that it would be the last time she would hear her sister's voice.

An early morning phone call two days later catapulted life from normalcy to nightmare. The tear-drenched voice of Debra's thirteen-year-old daughter, Alyssa Melo, delivered the shocking news: Debra had not come home the previous night. Patricia immediately called Luis Melo who was at work at the Dunkin Donuts shop that the couple managed. A dubious story began to unfold. Luis had taken Debra to a dermatology appointment. The couple began arguing about money to cover additional treatment. Debra became very agitated and got out of the car. Luis drove off and when he returned, Debra was nowhere in sight. She had not called, she had not come home and she was not at work that morning.

The words had a chilling impact. Patricia DeMoura knew her sister would never stay out all night and she knew that Debra would have called her if she needed help. Patricia also knew that no matter how bad things were between Debra and her husband, Debra loved her children and would never leave them. 

Normal life gave way to a blur of frantic phone calls. The first was to her mother, Marilyn Gagnon, who readily shared her concern that Debra would never stay out all night. The sentiment was echoed by each of Debra's friends: she would never leave her family without a word. 

As the day turned into night, Patricia could no longer sit and wait. At two in the morning, she drove to the spot in Weymouth where Debra had last been seen. "I had to go there, I had to see for myself…what if she was out there, calling for help, what if she was hurt…" Patricia spent the early hours of her twenty-ninth birthday calling out her sister's name, shining a flashlight into the darkness, hoping and praying to find her sister, finally returning home just before dawn to a life that would never be the same.

One Week Later, Another life unravels

For Heather Gresty, a special needs teacher and mother, the week started off kilter with a stomach virus. On Monday night a feeling of intense anxiety descended without warning; she wonders if it was a premonition of the nightmare waiting to unfold the following day.

Tuesday began on a positive note. Her mother and Molly visited briefly on their way to Comins Pond where Molly worked as a lifeguard. Heather noticed that Molly, who was usually raring to get going, seemed to want to stay longer. Upset by the news that a classmate had been critically injured in a car accident the previous day, Molly seemed to find comfort playing with her young niece, Mikaela. Heather recalls with sadness that she did not kiss Molly goodbye that morning since she did not want to give her stomach virus to her sister. "I'll probably regret that for the rest of my life. I always gave Molly a kiss goodbye and that day I didn't."

Several hours later Heather received the phone call that would unravel the fabric of life as she had known it. It was her mother- the police had called to report that Molly was missing from the beach. Heather raced to meet her mother but she assumed that there had been a minor mishap, perhaps Molly was sitting out of sight near the woods or maybe she had gone into the barn and accidentally locked herself inside. 

Even as Heather went with her mother to the police station, she remained calm. She couldn't imagine that anything bad could happen to her sister. She remained calm even as calls to Molly's friends yielded little- most were at work and had not seen or heard from Molly that day. Then, as she stood beside the pond, her thoughts turned to the possibility that Molly might have been taken into woods and raped. The possibility of abduction never crossed her mind. She regrets that she had not thought to take more aggressive action such as alerting Mass Turnpike officials, but recalls feeling as if she were suspended inside a bubble, unable to think or act. 

As she replays the day in her mind she sees her brother John Jr. sprinting "ninety miles per hour" across the beach, plunging into the water and diving repeatedly in a desperate search for their sister. His efforts futile, he ran off into the woods shouting Molly's name at the top of his lungs, his voice reverberating through the trees and echoing across the stilled waters.

She remembers her father arriving at the pond in a state of shock. He kept repeating the words, "She drowned," referring to the fact that he had been summoned by a colleague who told him that Molly might have drowned. It was difficult for Heather to see her father, who had always been strong and in command, temporarily paralyzed by shock and grief. "He will never be the same," she reflects. It was extremely difficult to leave the pond that night, leaving behind the remnants of a normal, happy family and an ordinary life to step into the unthinkable nightmare that descended without warning.




Living Inside a Nightmare 


It has been two years since Debbie Melo and Molly Bish disappeared without a trace, leaving a gaping hole in each of their families. Their absence has left their sisters with a legacy of grief and the solace of memories. 

Heather Gresty comments that people often remark that they can't imagine how her parents feel. They rarely ask how she or her brother, John, are coping and if they do, it seems like an afterthought. When asked how she is coping, Heather states that immediately after Molly's disappearance, she became so fearful that she was unable to be alone. Knowing that her fears could cripple her, she sought immediate help and remained in therapy for eighteen months. Today the nightmares are less frequent and the anxiety more manageable, but there is still the constant feeling of fear, "like being scared to the point of being out of breath." The fear is always present, exacerbated by triggers ranging from a television program to the smells of summer.

Patricia DeMoura experiences similar fear and anxiety. She too felt unsafe, locking the doors to her house, always looking over her shoulder, afraid that someone was hiding in the back of a truck, ready to attack. Nights are hardest, it is difficult to fall asleep and once asleep, there are recurrent nightmares. She restricts her television viewing as shows containing any violence elicit anxiety that is extremely difficult to manage.

During the first year Patricia felt extremely sad all the time. She tried to be strong and hide her tears for her children's sake, but soon realized that there were times when she was unable to be strong and just had to manage to get through one day at a time. Then her sadness turned to anger as she realized that not only was her sister missing, but a part of her self was gone as well. Patricia dreams about Debra at night and thinks about her every day, several times a day. Sometimes she reaches for the phone to call Debra, other times she finds herself asking out loud: "Debra, where are you?" There is no answer, only unbearable silence.


The solace of memories

Both Patricia DeMoura and Heather Gresty find solace in memories of their sisters. Patricia's childhood memories are filled with Debra, she lovingly recalls the summers that they spent outdoors with friends, playing ball, swimming and being tomboys. Heather tells of how she longed for a baby sister and was present for Molly's home birth. She regarded Molly as "her baby" and loved to dress and take care of her. She and Molly were so close that they chose to share a room until Heather turned thirteen; she wistfully recalls the days when they would build elaborate villages for their Barbie dolls or join their brother in daredevil ski jumps from the roof.


Heather misses the younger sister who helped her prepare for the birth of her daughter and who came in the middle of the night to meet her newborn niece, who she adored. Heather Gresty has made a picture book so that her daughter, Mikaela, will always know and remember her Aunt Molly. She displays the birthday card that Molly gave her the month before she disappeared; it is signed as the girls always signed each other's cards:
" your favorite and only sister."

Patricia holds on to the unsigned birthday card that she found amongst her sister's things. She misses the older sister who was always there for her, who was present for the birth of Patricia's first child, Kailey, Debra's godchild. Patricia and her children pray for Aunt Debbie every night. As much as she longs to see her sister again, as much as she dreads the call that would confirm her worst fears, Patricia consoles herself with the thought that if Debra is in heaven at least she is not suffering, at least she is safe.



Debbie Marie Melo. Molly Anne Bish. Their absence is as painful today as it was when they disappeared two years ago. Patricia DeMoura and Heather Gresty will go on shining their flashlights of hope into the darkness, searching for their sisters… their best friends.

© Copyright 2002 Elizabeth Tragash

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